Sometimes, Little is Just Enough

I want to build a Tiny House…

This isn’t a shock to those who know me.

As a matter of fact, I’ve already begun dreaming, planning, pricing, downsizing, sharing, and researching. Most importantly, I’ve started praying…

I’ve even got a name for it (which, I’m not ready to share, quite yet).

Here’s the thing though, I want this to happen. But, I don’t want want to be alone for the adventure…Yet, I have been planning it as if it will just be me, because right now, I am just me.

This is part of my prayer, that God will send someone who has similar desires and dreams – including travel & ministry; creativity & passion; meaningful, simple, & sustainable living.

Every time I think about bringing someone into my life, it’s one of the big things I think about.

I’m trusting God to know my heart, to have my best & His glory in His response to my prayers.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I hope & pray with all my heart it includes travel in my own Tiny House doing ministry with my partner.

Because I don’t need a lot of stuff, or a lot of house. Sometimes, little, is just enough.

*Also, I have a tiny house bucket list…I can’t wait to get started on it ūüôā *

image

Broken Road

“Every long lost dream, led me to where you are…they were like Northern Stars. Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

Unicorn
Rare
Chronically Single

Sure. Those titles; maybe me. Definitely me.

But, this is my path. An extension of my calling & dreams…

So, recently, there have been some encounters:

One made me feel pursued – though, he was obviously not a part of ¬†God’s plan for my life. Yet, I was momentarily side tracked by the enjoyment of feeling wanted.

One, I wasn’t so sure about –
A strong faith & a kind spirit –
But, a path far different from my own. A calling not in the same vein as mine at all.

I am not planted here in OK…
My heart is already being pulled to the Pacific Northwest. I know my journey goes there – after a bit of Tiny House travel, I hope.

God has awakened in me a restless & wandering heart. A heart that desires to see a passion for Him awaken among the nation’s youth. A heart that desires to connect to the hurting & broken, hearing their stories, observing the beauty of Creation – all over this nation and across some others.

God has called my heart to adventure…
So, I know my “broken road” must be leading me to someone with a similar heart.

I know I am not meant to be planted here…I know I am meant for this, yes, but also meant for so much more.

So, I will pursue more.
I will pursue His call.
And, I trust this path will lead me to One whose heart is like mine.

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same”
– Emily Bront√ę


Last night, I had a conversation after church

Him: “Hey, Candice, are you really going to move to Washington? Are you really going to get a Tiny House and move to Washington?”

Me (looking at him confused): Of course!

Me (after a pause): Well, actually, first I’m going to get my Tiny House and travel around doing youth ministry for a while, then I’m going to settle in Washington.

Him (laughing): That is awesome! Don’t take this wrong, but that is so you!

This was an actual conversation I had last night. And, it awakened something in my spirit. A sleeping giant.

I have been thinking about all this and praying about it for a while now. But, last night was the first time in…ever…I had voiced it out loud.

I don’t know how it’s going to happen, but the wheels are in motion. I have begun tiny house plans, researching financing, and listing out contacts/resources for this journey.

I don’t know how, when, etc. But, God knows.

I am just watering the dream He planted, trusting in Him to work it all out, as only He can.

And, I.Can’t.Wait.


This post was inspired by last week’s 5 Minute Friday theme¬†Path.¬†I’m a little late to the party, but you should still hop over and check out all the posts there. And, stop in below and share some of the dreams God has planted in your heart. I know He hasn’t given up on this world yet, and He will use His people to make all the difference in the world!

 

Haven

I’m trying to wade through the fog that is threatening to return to my life & persevere in doing the things I love, the things I feel called to… So I am participating in¬†5 Minute Friday¬†for the first time in a while.

The rules are: free-write, 5 minutes, no overthinking or overediting. The theme this week: Haven

Ready? GO

I recently wrote about finding my voice again. Anyone familiar with my blog is no stranger to the struggles of anxiety & depression I have worked through/am working through in my life.

It is this struggle that has led me to a deep, deep desire for¬†Home…whatever that may mean.

It seems for many, that means owning their own place, putting down roots.

I’m learning, for me, it’s about wherever God has me at the moment. And, that just by resting in Him & surrounding myself with a few of the things my heart finds beautiful, I have a home.

Right now, I’m renting an apartment with my younger sister. We don’t have fancy things, but I have an office/reading nook, she has a big/comfy red chair, and I have a loveseat that happens to be my first big furniture purchase as an adult. My bathroom is Wonderland, my room Neverland, and our kitchen is a lovely place to cook & entertain.

I spent my day cleaning/re-arranging, while re-runs of House Hunters played on Netflix in the background. Upon coming home tonight, I felt at peace.

I may not “own” this place, the upstairs neighbors may be absolutely annoying (their children sound like elephants jumping from trees), and my view may be of a parking lot; but this is my place. My stamp has been placed.

I can come home after a long day, smile at my blue door, let my stuff down at my landing, and recharge.

This, temporary though it may be, is my haven. Not because I stake claim to it forever, but because I stake claim to it for now. Not because it is perfectly suited to my every desire, but because, at this life stage, it is perfectly suited to my current need.

This is my haven. Not because of my possession of it, but because of His possession of me.

STOP

I Won’t Apologize for My Living Space

And, maybe you don’t need to either…

Let me explain:

I feel like homes are meant to be lived in fully & beautifully, and if you cover that up by cleaning every little thing every day, I feel like it may detract from the living that’s done there.

Now, I know we all choose to keep our spaces differently, and I get that…I also get that there is a point where mess tips the scale and becomes unsafe, utter chaos.

But, most of us don’t reside there, most of us reside in the world of a life well lived & a home well lived in.

As I type, the frying pan from last night’s dinner is still soaking in my sink, there are painting supplies on my table, and my reading nook is really the move-in catch all…

And, I won’t apologize for that.

I spent the day working, and the evening with my sisters and friends: there was laughter, there were inside jokes…there was the moment when I squealed at the baby elephant (I really love elephants)…

My home is for making memories. For living my beautifully messy life. And, I won’t apologize for it.

Are you a young, stay at home mom feeling guilty that you can’t keep everything clean? Or a working mom trying to balance everything? My guess is, you spent precious time with the kiddos. Don’t apologize for that. Those cheerios in the couch and the toys littering the floor? Those are your home’s battle scars, the beautiful sign of life within the walls of your home.

Are you a single (young or more mature) person, making your way in the world? Trying to create something lovely around you? Have the remnants of a hobby strewn about? Or the makings of a great party? It’s the tell-tale sign of life well lived.

The great thing, we have the choice, when we invite people in. We can apologize for our space, or welcome others in openly.

Yet, when we apologize, what are we saying:

I’m sorry for living…I’m sorry for having interests…I’m sorry for spending time making memories…I’m sorry for playing with my kids…I’m sorry for working hard, then allowing myself time to relax rather than clean…I’m sorry that my hobby takes up space…I’m sorry I can’t be perfect all the time…I’m sorry you have to see my mess…

At the root, may be fear of judgement, or a lack of trust. But, when we welcome others without apology, we say:

Welcome to my mess…Welcome to the reality of my world…Let me show you the beauty of my life…I trust you here in my mess…I have a beautiful, full life…I am comfortable with myself & with those I let in…We can have fun without fear…This is a place for relationships…

We get to choose how we decide to bring others in. With an invitation and smile, or with an apology & trepidation.

So, I won’t apologize for the mail pile on my counter, the still as yet to be unpacked boxes in my living room, or the laundry that hasn’t been put away…

I’ve been busy. Connecting with my clients, making big decisions about work, paying my bills, creating pieces of art for my new home, and spending glorious time with my family (as well as alone time).

And, I applaud you for your well lived life, too. You young (or more mature) single, making it all work. Or the moms/dads (both stay-at-home & working), letting their kids live & making the most of that time.

I hope you too can learn not to apologize for your living space.


A¬†Tuesday @ 10¬†post…this week,¬†Choice.

Belong…

What does this even mean?
This is something I have struggled with so often – & how much of it is on me, how much on those around me?
Since I’ve been back, I know I have been embraced. Yet, so much is different…and, have I lost my belonging in my old home? Can I belong both places…and elsewhere?
God, I don’t even know anymore…
What I do know – it’s more than any one person or place.
And, it starts with knowing my identity in You & my place in Your Kingdom. That my life is temporary, but I’m meant to make the most of it…

This past weekend, my brain has not been kind to me. A dark cloud of hopelessness & doubt popped up & followed me, taunting me. For anyone who has ever struggled with a mood disorder or anxiety disorder, you probably understand this, for others, maybe not.

It’s not that this dark cloud is with me all the time anymore (I remember when it was. At times like these, I am amazed I survived those days. God’s grace, right there).

But, once a month, for a day or two (or five…), it returns. And, it takes all the strength I have to remind myself it’s all lies…Because my brain works overtime to remind me:

My overall biggest struggle since being home (really, one of my biggest struggles all my life…)?

Belonging…Where do I belong?

As a believer who never takes anything at face value, who has had many a faith struggle, and who also trusts & studies science/psychology, the church can be a dangerous place.

As a psychologist who is also a Christian, knowing God has created us so intimately & intricately, and He is the only one who brings true healing, the “real world” can also be a dangerous place.

I had a fantastic group to belong to in California, but in moving, kind of gave that up.

I have some amazing friends here, but we are not in the same place in life. They are married, most with kid(s)…and, I don’t even know where God is going to take me in the next 2-5 years…or who He’s going to bring along to go with me.

I ¬†have a great workplace and co-workers I’ve learned a lot from…who all go our separate ways at the end of the day, because we are also in different places in our lives.

I go to a great church Рthat mostly feels like home. But, also, seems to have no real place for people like me: Single, career minded, & young-ish. I am getting involved in serving, but still struggle to find my place.

I guess, it’s hard for so many people…This knowing where to belong thing…

But, when I feel this way, it helps to remember that there is one place I will always belong:

In the will of God. He has chosen me; He has called me. And, I find my belonging when I answer…

This weekend, I felt so empty, so alone, and so disconnected. My brain was telling me all the old lies: there is no purpose…you are worthless…you don’t know what you’re doing…you are going to fail. BIG. You are so disconnected, and no one wants you around…
But, instead of wallowing, I forced myself to go to the church fellowship, engage in conversation, and gave myself permission to laugh. Because, if I truly have a desire to belong, I know that I have to put in the work.

Be open.

Answer the call.


 

This is my contribution to this week’s Tuesday @ 10, where the theme for this week is¬†Belong. Let me know your thoughts on belonging…It can be a heavy topic. But, maybe, we can find belonging with each other, as we bear our hearts & share our journeys.