Safe (Ascent from Madness)

It’s been a Sunday where nothing is going quite as it should…even trying to get this post up & the blog updated, my internet simply refuses to co-operate…so, I decided a little fiction writing would do my spirit some good. I’m adding to my collection of Ascent from Madness flash fiction pieces below, as a part of the most recent 5 Minute Friday.

The theme this week: SAFE


It’s so strange, how unsettled I am.
I know it just goes with the territory. That’s what they tell me anyway.

But, I mean, I’m old enough now, I should be feeling secure & safe now, right? Now that I’m “getting better”…

Safe…

Do I even know that word?
I knew that word once…didn’t I?

I honestly don’t know. But, I must have. Though, even in my earliest memories, safety isn’t a theme.

Safe…

Darkness. Music.
My home. The one I’ve created.
The creativity in my mind.

These things make me feel safe.

Out there – the world? Not so much.

But, I guess I hide it well.
I “fit in.” I “work.”

But, safe?

No, I don’t really think I am…And, I don’t think I ever really was…


 

Wake Up (Ascent from Madness)

Tonight is 5 Minute Friday night – It’s been a very long & trying week.

I’ve prayed over situations, asking God to move so that my weak faith would be supported by sight, and those situations all seem to have only gotten worse…But, I continue to do as Lauren Daigle’s song suggests:

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“When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You…I will trust in You.” – LD ‘Trust In You’

So, for tonight’s 5 Minute Friday, I bring another portion of flash fiction – a removal of feelings from my own life onto paper in fiction form. The word? Common


If one more person tells me this is a common feeling, I’m going to lose it…

They all seem to think they know that feeling – the out of body, this isn’t my life, am I living a dream or nightmare feeling that follows me day in and day out.

I go to sleep and wake up to it – at least, on the nights I’m lucky enough to go to sleep.

Maybe it is a common occurrence…but not like this. And, when I explain it further, they look at me with that look. The look that says, “this girl is crazy”. So, I keep it to myself.

And, rather than focusing on this major difference I have with those around me, I’m gonna be thankful for what I do have in common with them: the love of a good fall breeze, country songs, moonlight, and words.

*BUZZ* my phone lights up with his name.

My heart soars and sinks simultaneously. I desperately wish to snap out of this feeling, so I can feel, otherwise, I’m so disconnected from him along with myself.

God, let me snap out of it…my heart cries as I pick up my phone to respond.

Nothing changes. I just continue on willing myself to change, “feeling” & mind entering a battle of wills, knowing which would win, and unable to do anything about it.

*BUZZ* another message.

God, just something, something of connection. Please. He makes me so happy, I know he does. But, I am so disconnected. This isn’t life, right? It’s supposed to be different? Wake me up. Wake up my heart, please…


Rainstorm (Ascent from Madness)

Time for another flash fiction post 🙂 I am quite enjoying using the 5 minute time-frame to write something not only flash in length, but time written in.

Also, doing these little flash fiction posts has re-ignited my  love for writing fiction, so I’ve decided that once our #Write31Days challenge has ended, I’m going to once again participate in NaNoWriMo…which will likely mean less blogging, but perhaps more flash fiction.

Both challenges are a good distraction from the depressing world of online dating…which I really needed this break from (it’s hard out there for a single girl, guys!)

Below is my final flash piece of this challenge


Rainstorm (Ascent from Madness)

I cloistered myself in my room. My work nook all ready for a cozy afternoon of writing.

The rainstorm outside surrounded me with a mysterious air. What perfect writing conditions if ever there were. The quiet was a welcome change from the madness of the world, and the rain offered an even greater sense of comfort.

The trees cast an eerie shadow on the walls.

It’s like my mind, in reality. Some days, it really is hard to know which is which, though.

I know my deadline for the newest piece, and I am not even close to finishing.

Since I’ve gotten “better”, the writing doesn’t come as easily. I have a harder time tapping into my creative side since most of the madness seems to be gone.

Why does it seem all the best artists are mad? Like they tap into some oft forgotten creative energy field just through their brokenness.

How do I get that back…? I wonder to myself as I stare at the rain trails on the pane.

I glance at my reflection…Can I remember that time well enough…Can I tap into it now…?


 

Sky (Ascent from Madness)

Tonight’s prompt is sky…and after a long day, I’m not sure I can come up with anything for that…so, more flash fiction…enjoy


I lay looking up at the sky. Always a good way to be grounded.

I love this journey I’m on, experiencing new places. And looking at new pieces of sky.

Boat…I tell myself looking at the clouds above. Crane…

I am enjoying these brief few hours to myself while he’s out. Much of my business is at home, in front of my screen. For me, it works.

It would drive him insane. So, he goes in search of human interaction. Meanwhile, I find activities of solitude, or search for canine interaction. Since we’re on the road so much, he refuses to let me get a dog of my own.

Ooh! Puppy! I exclaim happily in my own head.

I honestly don’t know how we found ourselves here, but I’m so glad we did. I never thought someone would love me this much, or that I’d be open to someone as I am him.

Bzzz. I look down, a client calling. I answer kindly, and after a quick chat, I’m brought back to the reality of life around me.

A life I’ve become so grateful for, after all the struggles, and finally feel at peace in.


Ascent from Madness (2)

I have been doing a terrible job of keeping up with the prompts for the 5 Minute Free Write challenge this month, but it’s ok…I’ve been doing pretty well with the 5 minute time limit, so, it counts, right?

Tonight, another 5 minute flash fiction session (see my first, here)…


Ascent from Madness (2)

Thank you…Thanks…Thank you…

I practice in my head, over and over. I feel like I could puke. Talking to people is the scariest thing in the world. Talking in front of people? Even worse…

But, I have to. I have to at least say “Thank you”. I mean, that’s what people do when they get recognized for something, right?

Why did I work so hard? Why did I care that they think I do a good job…now I have to accept praise. Ugh, I may actually pass out this time…

I feel a hand on mine, look over, and he’s just watching me. His eyes say it’s all going to be ok. His half-smile offering a calming sense.

I entwine my fingers with his.

“Thank you”, I say.

©CANDICEJENEE2016

This time, I used the prompt word. Head over to the link up, and see what others are writing.