A Psalm of Brokenness

I have never shied away from the hard stuff – and right now, my family is going through a hard time.

My heart is left broken and bare; so, tonight, I have a new poem to share:

A Psalm of Brokenness

GOD,
I feel like I’m drowning.
Financially. Family. 
Emotionally.
Life circumstances.
My choices.
Surrounded by brokenness
and hopelessness.
Jesus, you never promised
an easy life;
A life without troubles.
So, I pray
Peace in the storm.
Take my worries and cares.
Don’t let me fall.
Don’t let me drown.
Keep me afloat,
Ready for what’s next.
May each of these
Messy, sticky situations
find their way to 
Bring Glory to your name.
Lord, be my strength.
Forever I will praise your
Wonderful, powerful
Beautiful name.

©Candice Jenee’ 2017

 

 

This. Is. The. Time.

In one of my favorite posts to date, Imagine That, I wrote about what the world would look like if we all began praying like we meant it.

Really, how different would it look?!

But, recently, about the last two months or so, I have been apathetic about, well, everything.
It isn’t until more recently that there has been a change: dreams awoken, faith renewed, heart rested.

And, with last week’s youth revival at our church (I’ll have to do a post about that in the near future), and the series our youth pastor is doing, I’ve been challenged again:
what could my life be if I really got settled into an active prayer life?

I feel as if there are some big things missing from my life (feel free to explore this blog to read about that…it’s all over the place here). And I have been doing so much to stay faithful, but I still find myself in trial & hard time after trial & hard time.

Then I ask God, Why? Haven’t I been faithful? then, I find myself slipping out of faithfulness…

But, the fact is, God never promised we would have hard times. Ever.

“I have told you these things, so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But, take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

I have written before about the flip-side of faith; that if we take God at His word for our good times, we Have to respect His word that we will also face trials. If He is untrue in this, then He is not God.

So, as we were going through revival & our service last Wednesday night, I felt God’s pull on my heart to read through the book of Daniel again. And, let me tell you, Daniel was a faithful man who had trouble.

But, right there in chapter one, we see God’s favor with Daniel because of Daniel’s faithfulness to God’s law.

Then, the fact is that because of Daniel’s, Hananiah’s, Mishael’s and Azariah’s faithfulness, they found themselves in huge hard times – trial by fire & thrown in a lion’s den. But, God got them through this & then brought His name greater glory.

See, God does not spare us hard times because of faithfulness; but He gets us through the hard times because of faithfulness (ours and His), bringing Himself more glory.

In fact, it is more a reflection of God’s faithfulness than our own. As we see in Joel, when He restores a broken & unfaithful Israel. His love never left, and His promise to His people was great:

image

God promised to restore what had been lost, what had been broken.

So often, I feel lost, broken. As if I am not somewhere important I should have been. I get complacent and apathetic, fearing that God has all but forgotten me & my dreams.

He has yet to do that, though. Even in my times of unfaithfulness, God is always faithful.

And, I fully believe His word. He is restoring what has been lost. He has been doing so for a while now. Some days, I just miss it.
He is bringing restoration I never knew possible, and I trust Him to continue to do so. I believe that as I continue to return to Him in faithfulness, He will continue to make good on His word.

I believe I will see lives around me changed.
I believe I will see my own life changed.
I believe I will see beauty restored in this world & in my relationships.
I believe people around me will realize the power of His faithfulness, and all that I have been through will be for His glory.
I believe I will even see a change begin in my clients & at work.

This week has really reminded me that I can’t wait for others to pray where God is leading me to pray, and I can’t expect 5 minutes a day to be enough.

It’s time for a revival in this country, in this world; and I am on the frontline with many others.

This. Is. The. Time.


Is there something God has placed on your heart to pray for? A situation in your life, a person you know, a dream you have? I encourage you to begin really seeking God’s will in that area, following His prompting to spend time in prayer about that. If you want me to add it to my prayer list, feel free to share below or email me. I’m in prayer for everyone who reads this blog that God would begin a frontline revival in each of our hearts.

You’re never too far…

Until you’re dead.

“Satan will do everything he can to create space between you and God.” – Ryan Summers; youth pastor

There is so much truth here. God’s word tells us there is a battle going on every day, not with flesh & blood, but with the unseen. An enemy prowls around looking for people he can devour.

But, his devouring is not what we often think of.

He seeks to kill, steal, destroy in the daily. He will find little things that begin to separate us, and before long we are standing before a chasm, thinking we can’t get back.

But, the truth is, we are never too far…until we’re dead.

The enemy has a way of convincing us, though, that we are too far.

I have seen it over & over, in my life and in the lives of those around me.

For me, I am in one of those times. Since Thanksgiving, it’s been the little things that have begun to add up:

  • Being un-able to help all the time at church due to crises at work, due to sickness. A separation.
  • Being sick – constantly. Just when I get past one, it’s another.
  • Being exhausted from afore mentioned crises & sicknesses.
  • I began to do less in regards to my bible reading/prayer time.
  • Pulling back from the positive influences in my life.

All of these things have brought me to where I am tonight, even more exhausted. Missing that part of my life, which He didn’t give up on, I did. And, wondering, “can I even cross the chasm? It’s been so long, I don’t know where to start, what to read, what to pray…”

The truth, as I’ve said, is that I’m not too far…until I’m dead.

And, regardless of how low I feel today – whether I’m in the pit or the palace, on a mountain or in a valley – I am still alive, so I’m not too far.

The enemy would have us believe that not knowing where to start, or thinking we’re too far, is a good excuse to not do anything about it. He keeps us away from Christ by keeping us paralyzed by apathy. The truth is, not knowing where to start isn’t a good excuse.

There are bible reading plans all over the place. Most chapters in Psalms & Proverbs are short. There are devotional books designed for five quick minutes a day.

There are verses that are easily memorized and stored in your heart for deserts like this, that will open the way back.

Turn on some worship music that ushers in the presence of God. Or sit quietly in your special place. Opening your heart to the truth that you are still able to find redemption in Him.

As for prayer? One place to start is with your remorse, and desire to cross the chasm by way of the Cross. Start with your repentance & gratitude for His grace & mercy.

And, trust that you are never too far…and that your rest will come, even if you don’t feel it right away. Trust in your Abba’s mercy & love, wait on the Lord and find your rest.

“But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31

 

Wake Up (Ascent from Madness)

Tonight is 5 Minute Friday night – It’s been a very long & trying week.

I’ve prayed over situations, asking God to move so that my weak faith would be supported by sight, and those situations all seem to have only gotten worse…But, I continue to do as Lauren Daigle’s song suggests:

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“When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You…I will trust in You.” – LD ‘Trust In You’

So, for tonight’s 5 Minute Friday, I bring another portion of flash fiction – a removal of feelings from my own life onto paper in fiction form. The word? Common


If one more person tells me this is a common feeling, I’m going to lose it…

They all seem to think they know that feeling – the out of body, this isn’t my life, am I living a dream or nightmare feeling that follows me day in and day out.

I go to sleep and wake up to it – at least, on the nights I’m lucky enough to go to sleep.

Maybe it is a common occurrence…but not like this. And, when I explain it further, they look at me with that look. The look that says, “this girl is crazy”. So, I keep it to myself.

And, rather than focusing on this major difference I have with those around me, I’m gonna be thankful for what I do have in common with them: the love of a good fall breeze, country songs, moonlight, and words.

*BUZZ* my phone lights up with his name.

My heart soars and sinks simultaneously. I desperately wish to snap out of this feeling, so I can feel, otherwise, I’m so disconnected from him along with myself.

God, let me snap out of it…my heart cries as I pick up my phone to respond.

Nothing changes. I just continue on willing myself to change, “feeling” & mind entering a battle of wills, knowing which would win, and unable to do anything about it.

*BUZZ* another message.

God, just something, something of connection. Please. He makes me so happy, I know he does. But, I am so disconnected. This isn’t life, right? It’s supposed to be different? Wake me up. Wake up my heart, please…


Strength & Plan

It’s Tuesday, so I am going to take the opportunity to work last week’s 5 Minute Friday prompt into today’s Tuesday @ 10 prompt.

The prompts are Plan & Strength respectively.

Ready? GO

Strength – I don’t feel like I have any left.

Plan – I had one, it’s kind of falling apart now…

Circumstances beyond my control (which kills me!) have completely torn me down – and each time it seems the plan is back on track, something else comes along & knocks it off.

And, most days, I really just don’t have the strength to deal with it much longer. And, I’m beginning to feel like God is as far away from it all as possible, just watching things fall apart around me all over again…

But, that’s just how I feel… I know feelings lie. I know He has brought me through more trying times than this… Though, this time feels hopeless. I feel helpless again. Like nothing is working; like every decision has been the wrong one. And, I’m trapped. Like everything is out of my control.

When will He show up? I hope He shows up soon, because I’ve lost my own strength & don’t have a plan D-Z…

STOP