Vulnerability

From where I sat tonight, I enjoyed clouds, cooler weather, and a day when I’ve felt more me than I have in days – maybe weeks.

Summer heat gets me down, y’all.

So, here I sit on this cooler day finally enjoying myself – reading & writing, tending to my soul & spirit…contemplating many things, including relationships.

See, that date has become something…so, it means letting someone in…

I am so, so used to single life. In single life, I’m only responsible and accountable to me (to an extent).

I mean, it is my desire to bring my husband good all the days of my life (Proverbs 31:12) – but I’ve already failed, I’m sure. So, I try moving forward – that whoever he is will truly find good when he finds me as his wife (Proverbs 18:22).

But, I digress…

In single life, you don’t have to let anyone in.
You don’t have to be vulnerable and wonder if they can/want to handle it.
There’s always fear in vulnerability.

If you move forward with someone – there’s risk. You let someone into your pain, your mess, your darkness, your weakness, your faults – along with your joy, your celebration, your gifts, your passion.

Entering a relationship requires trust.

For me, a big area of vulnerability is this blog. My heart shared, post after post; and, there are questions that go with that:

• What if “he” finds it?
• What if he doesn’t like what he reads?
• What if it scares him?
• What if he doesn’t understand the struggle, the doubt, the darkness…?
• What if I find myself to be too much or not enough?

Honestly, though, this openness & willingness to risk vulnerability is essential to any relationship – whether two weeks old or fifty years old (not that you should spill all day one, there are levels to this…)

We cannot connect with others without it – and, yes, at some point it will lead to conflict, disappointment, and misunderstanding. It’s what you do together to overcome that which will make the difference.

Just as you hope he/she will be that for you, this gives you a beautiful opportunity for you to be open & accepting of him/her in their darkness, weakness, struggle.

In doing this for one another, you find the beauty to overcoming this fear – you find a partner, a war buddy.

And, you discover someone who loves your heart: weakness, faults, and all. You discover someone you love: weakness, faults, and all.

So, do we fear vulnerability? Of course we do.

But, overcoming that fear leads to something we are all hoping to find in this life – and it leads to the kind of relationship & love that glorifies, honors, reveals, & represents God and His love for us.

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I listen to a lot of [Christian] Hip-hop, and recently, there is a song that has worked it’s way into my heart. It comes along these lines so well. It deals with this kind of openness and vulnerability, from the perspective of the one being supportive and accepting, and loving. I want to share it with you, as it may be an encouragement to others, too (KB – Lights Go Out (ft. Blanca & Justin Ebach) – Reach Records):

A Psalm of Brokenness

I have never shied away from the hard stuff – and right now, my family is going through a hard time.

My heart is left broken and bare; so, tonight, I have a new poem to share:

GOD,
I feel like I’m drowning.
Financially. Family. 
Emotionally.
Life circumstances.
My choices.
Surrounded by brokenness
and hopelessness.
Jesus, you never promised
an easy life;
A life without troubles.
So, I pray
Peace in the storm.
Take my worries and cares.
Don’t let me fall.
Don’t let me drown.
Keep me afloat,
Ready for what’s next.
May each of these
Messy, sticky situations
find their way to 
Bring Glory to your name.
Lord, be my strength.
Forever I will praise your
Wonderful, powerful
Beautiful name.

©Candice Jenee’ 2017

 

 

Why Tiny?

So, I’ve talked before about my dream to live in a tiny house and travel to do youth ministry. 

I have gone through several stages of what/how/when, all the important questions. But, I know a lot of people wonder about the why…

So, why tiny?

Because there is so much, too much

Too much beauty out there not to experience.
Too many attractions not to see.
Too many amazing people and places to visit & meet.
Too much love out there to stay in one place.

Also, too much pain to only stay and help in one spot
Too much brokenness to only touch one area.

Too many dreams in my heart.
Too many thoughts in my head.
Too many experiences I want to have & places I want to explore.

That’s why tiny.

And, I have BIG news on the Tiny House front…coming soon to a new blog dedicated just to that adventure. I can’t wait to share it with you all!

Church that isn’t “Church”

Today, I visited a new church – in an art studio. Bringing the number of interesting places I’ve attended church services up by yet another. The list includes:

• Churches
• Night Club
• Movie theater
• Art studio
• Grand Hotel Ballroom (Disney’s California Grand Hotel)
• Homes
• School Gyms
• 100+ year old school house
• Cafe’
• Camp
• Parks

And I love it!

I love visiting different places and seeing how God is moving and working. I enjoy seeing the needs, seeing things I can pray for & be a part of.

And, honestly, I love seeing how pastors of small church plants keep their hope despite hardships & opposition.

This church I visited today, in the community I grew up in, was small. Welcoming. And, encouraging.

The pastor & his wife, who I see around often, have clearly been called by God, and have bravely answered that call. They have seen some recent hardships, but have not let that dissuade them.

It’s amazing how when we step out into something God calls us to the enemy tries to keep us down. The enemy’s best friend is our comfort, fear, and

When I encounter people like these pastors, at this church, at the small churches in California I have been blessed to be a part of – pastors & ministers who step out in faith, whether with great support or little – I get excited & hope for that kind of bravery myself.

I’ve alluded to that desire to build my Tiny Home & travel doing creative youth ministry.

And, anyone who reads this blog knows that writing is a part of my passion…

But, my need for security often overcomes the bravery that I so wish for and pray to have.

So, I am so thankful God has placed so many of these brave souls in my life, as leaders, teachers, and friends. I am so thankful that, so far, many of them have wanted nothing more for me than to follow where God leads, even if the rest of the world thinks the vision is crazy. I am so thankful for the richness each of them has added to my life, shaping how I live, pray, and worship.

I will take their cue & continue to move forward in the dreams God has placed in my life.

And, if you are in the Oklahoma City area and looking for a welcoming church, I know of several.

The one I visited this morning is Fusion Church of Yukon. The pastors there are so welcoming, so full of life and vision, and really love people in such a unique way. I recommend checking them out if you are new to the area, looking for a smaller & welcoming church, and/or are looking for a church that is kid friendly. They really show a great heart for the kids of their congregation.

During my visit with this church, I met some great people. I had some incredible conversation with the pastors. And, I found a gluten-free, tiny house loving friend. I look forward to visiting again in the future.

I can’t wait to visit more places that God opens up to me, and I can’t wait to pour what I learn from them into what God is doing into my life.

Also, look out for more of my Tiny House journey – it’ll happen, I have faith 🙂

 

All By Myself – I Do What I Gotta Do

So, here we are, almost to the end of the month…

I’m not sure if I’ve really gotten much in the way of singleness – but, the beautiful thing about this point in my life is: it’s really all the #SingleLife.

I mean, I am single, and content…so, it’s all about that single life.

And, for some of us, during that single part of our life, it’s about doing whatever we can to take care of ourselves.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I one day want to find someone to build a life with & to take care of each other, but for now, It’s just me…

AAALLLL BYYYY MMMYYYYYYSEEEELLLLFFF!!!

Ok, just kidding, sort of.

At this time in my life, I have a good job, my own place (that I share with Little Sister), and I enjoy my extra activities.

Unfortunately, there are some months where I don’t make quite enough. So. I got some extra work, because I do what I gotta do to build the life I want for myself (that Tiny House ain’t gonna fund itself 🙂 )

Something I have learned, we all do what we gotta do for ourselves and our families. For instance, I’ve gotten back into the Scentsy game – direct selling. Honestly, I’m not the best salesman (ahem, woman), but I love the community & filling the world with smells that fill the soul (hence the #ScentFilledSoul)…

But, it’s not just us single girls going into that direct sales game:

It’s the college student trying to get herself through school to her dream life. That one is Little Sister – her Zeal life is now a business. And, let me tell you, as one recently diagnosed gluten sensitive (as well as other things) & instructed to cut out gluten, this is one supplement I can take without fear. It boosts energy, gives me all the vitamins & iron I need without making my tummy ache, and really, just puts my body in a good place. Check it out here.

It’s the stay at home mom trying to do her best to support her family by means of a business that allows her to spend time with her kids & filling their world with products they love:

• My friend Ashlie helps her family by building her Younique business. I love her ticks and tricks for quick mornings, out the door with the kiddos. It allows her to spend time with her little, and do things on her terms. Check her stuff out here.
• My friend Laura Noelle (my readers probably know her by now) – she and I have been doing the business stuff almost our whole friendship..As a matter of fact, she started my Scentsy journey with me back in the day, but, now, she’s in that Young Living life. She’s my go to for essential oil tips & information. I love all my Young Living oils that I get through her, and they make my world a little bit better. Peppermint as a natural way to soothe my tummy, lime to make my H2O better, and lavender to help me sleep 🙂 Check her out here.

These direct sellers I know (and you know) we all have a different story, a different reason for doing what we do. If you are interested in any of these products, go check em out. Show them some love.

If you want your world to smell amazing, check out my Scentsy site.

Or, if you have your own “do what I gotta do” story, share it with me. Lets support & encourage one another.

“Life is definitely a journey, not a competition” – ?