Oh, should…

Let me tell you about what I hope to have in my life one day:

A wonderful relationship led by God, where He is the center. A man I can support who also supports me (then again, you already know this, don’t you).

Someone strong in his faith, and whose life is built around the things of God.

A good sense of humor, encouragement, and friendship.

I want us to travel and explore. I want us to fall in love and love unconditionally. I want us to have a family and an intimate friendship.

I hope for someone who finds me beautiful, and who lets me know he sees me that way. Especially on the days I don’t see it in myself, I know those days will come.

I desire that we could learn each others’ love languages, and, we’d learn to speak them well.

I pray for a man who is willing to take the lead, but who also understands I have ideas and opinions. I want someone I can submit to because I know he is fully submitted to God. I pray for wisdom, peace, and patience (in both of us).

I hope for a gentleman, and I look forward to the little things: having him open doors for me, maybe buy me flowers or my favorite candy; getting to know each others’ favorites; quiet nights at home; days out adventuring. I look forward to the exciting and the monotonous…

I want all of the above…but to get there, I have to wade through the “shoulds”…

Recently, I went on a date. While getting ready, the following conversation transpired:

Me: “I don’t know where my make up is.”
Sister: “Me either”
Me: “Maybe I just won’t wear makeup…”
Sister: “That would be rude.”
Me:”Why?”
Sister: “Because, he deserves to have you look like you tried.”

Look like I tried…I had showered, fixed my hair, and I was in a dress (a rarity in my world – the dress part).

But, I got to thinking about the “shoulds” and the expectations we have as a society about relationships. Everything from how we should look on the first date to when we should kiss someone for the first time.

It also got me thinking about what we “owe” the people we date:

  • Timeliness – your date is taking time to spend with you. We should respect that.
  • Respect – on that note, your date deserves respect
  • Being put together – clean, neat. This doesn’t mean you have to be made up or in the fanciest clothes
  • A thank you – especially if they paid.

Now, what do we not owe them, especially early on?

  • Perfection – No one is perfect.
  • Physical affection – even if he/she pays. You do not owe them anything in the area of physical affection.

But, we as a society put out all these “shoulds” – you should look perfect, be perfectly made up, wearing the best clothing out there. You should kiss by date “x”, other physical affection by month “x” (or in Christian circles, be careful of when you kiss, no other physical affection until the ring is on). You should play hard to get, make the guy come to you. It’s the 21st century, go get your guy…
Often, advice is conflicting, and sometimes, goes even so far as to encourage you to hide yourself at first – “keep in the crazy”.

Honestly, though, if I am ever going to be blessed with the relationship mentioned above, I can be nothing but myself: honest, loyal, who.I.am.

And, in case you’re wondering, I did end up putting on my make-up. Not because I felt it would be rude to him, but because I wanted to.

 


This is a part of this week’s Five Minute Friday…always one of my favorite ways to jump-start the blog again.

What are some “shoulds” that you have come up with in your own dating/relationship experience?

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One thought on “Oh, should…

  1. Pingback: Vulnerability | Agapetos - the Beloved

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