On My Broken Heart

Things are happening, heartbreaking things. My Papaw is slowly letting go of this life. A gentle, quiet man, he loves all his grandkids so much. And, we love him.

All of this is taking place in Oklahoma and I am all the way at home in California – alone.

At this time, I make no assumptions about where his heart lies (and that is heartbreaking in and of itself), but it has me thinking:

I try to be a good person. I live by the rules: the rules of the Bible and the rules of the land. I do anything I can to keep peace among all people, and please others.

I have this nice little blog and a few facebook statuses that tell people what I believe and who I believe in.

I wear a purity ring, and genuinely care about being in a pure state for the man God brings to me. I honor my parents. I love my family, my friends, and show kindness to my “enemies”.

I don’t swear. I try to be as honest as possible, and I am loyal to a fault.

On the other hand: I don’t ruffle feathers. I generally keep all the “sin and salvation” talk for church groups, Christian school classrooms, and a chosen few others.

As I am contemplating where my Papaw’s heart lies, I wonder Do I do enough to tell people about the need for Salvation? And that Christ paid the way on the Cross? And that there is no other way? Not even being a gentle, quiet person?

It truly troubles my spirit that I am too afraid of losing someone’s affection that I can’t even share with them the greatest gift ever extended to them, even though I hold it in my hand, heart, and head every day.

I want to share that gift, because so many people around me need it.

I am praying for those opportunities to share, lovingly, the greatest love and grace ever extended anybody. Even the nicest, cleanest of people. Each of us has sin inside that separates us from God, and people need to know.

Now, I will never be one on a street corner yelling at everyone passing by. And, I do firmly believe in a life of reflection that separates me from the world, but I pray that God will open the opportunities from the way I live my life for people to ask questions and for me to share the TRUE answers, without fear. Because in actuality, they won’t be rejecting me, they’d be rejecting Him.

And He is all I need anyway.

That being said, a side note: Saying Goodbye always hurts so much.

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